pervertic lil'
Start this post specially. Not by starting it with the usual : "I AM SO UGLY"
I'll start it with something personal. My interest. :)
Recently, i had been more into stuffs like blood, black, anything that can be related to things that are dark intrigue me. I loved black for a really long time, and oh yea, not forgetting to mention that I ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO SEE PPL HAVING INJECTIONS!!! because i love it when the needle goes into your skin...OMG...SENSATIONAL. Tdy's the official last day of school. Mixed feelings within...80% of excitement, 10% maybe missing my classmates? 10% of worry.
Began the day in the hall, with a whole string of talks by the different form teachers and then there were the usual lessons stuffs. Felt really ugly today like times 10000 of yesterday. I feel as though i am losing myself very soon. This very second, i yearn for something like a wind that can sweep me off my feet and whisk me off from this brutal reality. Tried numerous times to restrict myself from having that mini thought of dying but the thought could never be aborted. These few days, the feeling came in so strong and distinct. Unwanted, lost, ugly, failure. I am such a loser. I cannot cherish things around me and things that i have. There are ppl around me who do not even have a roof over their heads but they never even had the thought of giving up. It irks me. I hate myself for being so weak. So loserish. So unreal.
feeling jealous of a few people now. i cannot seem to stop myself from feeling jealous of them. sometimes, i want to be like them so much, i try and try over and over again and fall down so hard. Hoping the be like them, practising to be like them, but i had never been able to be a step nearing my goal. I hate them. I hate them for having what i dont.
Im ugly. Be it on the outside or inside. Really.
Began the day in the hall, with a whole string of talks by the different form teachers and then there were the usual lessons stuffs. Felt really ugly today like times 10000 of yesterday. I feel as though i am losing myself very soon. This very second, i yearn for something like a wind that can sweep me off my feet and whisk me off from this brutal reality. Tried numerous times to restrict myself from having that mini thought of dying but the thought could never be aborted. These few days, the feeling came in so strong and distinct. Unwanted, lost, ugly, failure. I am such a loser. I cannot cherish things around me and things that i have. There are ppl around me who do not even have a roof over their heads but they never even had the thought of giving up. It irks me. I hate myself for being so weak. So loserish. So unreal.
feeling jealous of a few people now. i cannot seem to stop myself from feeling jealous of them. sometimes, i want to be like them so much, i try and try over and over again and fall down so hard. Hoping the be like them, practising to be like them, but i had never been able to be a step nearing my goal. I hate them. I hate them for having what i dont.
Im ugly. Be it on the outside or inside. Really.
posted by Charmaine at
6:45 PM
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